I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
