She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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