You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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