can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize