Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize