I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
