your parents love me but you hate me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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