you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
