I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
