If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
