Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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