idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
