brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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