I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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