i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
