is your mom at the bar?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
