He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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