rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
