Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
