i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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