so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
