Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
