dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
