she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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