I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
