dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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