Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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