I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
