I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
