I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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