Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize