Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
