Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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