ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
