You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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