It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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