Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
