I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
