So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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