cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
