It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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