My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
