So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
