Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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