have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
