too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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