fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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