I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
