i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
