hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we're making bets on your personal life
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.