Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.

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  (443): apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar. http://tfl.nu/z209
  Replies (9) Good night (2928) Bad night (920)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.

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  (404): There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man. http://tfl.nu/gtt8
  Replies (20) Good night (4368) Bad night (1201)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

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  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (6089) Bad night (1987)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

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  (703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day. http://tfl.nu/0otc
  Replies (21) Good night (1003) Bad night (6695)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

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  (978): nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob http://tfl.nu/cycw
  Replies (28) Good night (2067) Bad night (5075)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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  (914): We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night. http://tfl.nu/ey4f
  Replies (6) Good night (2291) Bad night (1566)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

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  (716): I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward. http://tfl.nu/2euk
  Replies (5) Good night (2256) Bad night (894)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.

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  (813): sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it. http://tfl.nu/etd4
  Replies (7) Good night (3090) Bad night (811)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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  (734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx
  Replies (7) Good night (2046) Bad night (1128)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?

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  (260): It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed? http://tfl.nu/04go
  Replies (3) Good night (1132) Bad night (590)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.

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  (918): I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever. http://tfl.nu/j10b
  Replies (14) Good night (782) Bad night (3745)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.

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  (701): Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that. http://tfl.nu/ctxr
  Replies (7) Good night (620) Bad night (424)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.

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  (778): I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack. http://tfl.nu/1g01
  Replies (10) Good night (510) Bad night (745)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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  (720): In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day. http://tfl.nu/haxq
  Replies (3) Good night (818) Bad night (291)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.

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  (216): Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital. http://tfl.nu/atdl
  Replies (6) Good night (126) Bad night (259)

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