i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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