Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.