i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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