So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?