And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He did a backflip because drugs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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