so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Screwed.edu
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
