It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize