how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
birth control should be required to get into college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
