That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
should my penis look like a turkey
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
