I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
