Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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