Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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