plz talk dirty to me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
