Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
